Fault Finding and Having Charity

I have been thinking about the temptation and sin of criticizing others and finding fault. I usually try to be positive and keep unkind thoughts to myself, but there have been a few instances lately when it has been hard for me not to join in a little, because of peer pressure. Peer pressure at my age! I am uncomfortable when people are critical but I don't want to get up on a soapbox. I am realizing that I can do better in standing up for others, even if it might make others uncomfortable. I know it really can make a difference. I remember a talk Bonnie Parkin gave about being patient with others. I will try to find it and quote from it here. While looking for that talk, I found another one that she gave where she said this:

We also lose sight of that good part when we compare ourselves to others. Her hair is cuter, my legs are fatter, her children are more talented, or her garden's more productive—sisters, you know the drill. We just can't do that. We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren't instead of on who we are! We are all sisters in Relief Society. We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ. Can't you hear the Lord's sweet injunction: "Martha, Martha . . . ?"

Elder Marvin J. Ashton beautifully observed: "Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."14

In exercising charity, we come to know a sister's heart. When we know a sister's heart, we are different. We won't judge her. We will simply love her. I invite you to not only love each other more but love each other better. As we do this we will come to know with a surety that "charity never faileth."15
October 2003, Choosing Charity: That Good Part

I found the quote from Sis. Parkin that I was looking for. She is talking about Relief society here but I think this relates to all aspects of the church.

Be supportive of our Relief Society presidencies and teachers—let them learn on our time (just as we will learn on theirs). Forgive more and judge less. Be a caring, consistent visiting teacher. Attend home, family, and personal enrichment meeting with enthusiasm. Look for what's good about Relief Society and build on it.
October 2004 Belonging Is Our Sacred Birthright

These comments remind me of two times Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin has said this sort of thing in General Conference:

Except for the Lord, we have all made mistakes. The question is not whether we will trip and fall but, rather, how will we respond? Some, after making mistakes, stray from the fold. This is unfortunate. Do you not know that the Church is a place for imperfect people to gather together—even with all their mortal frailties—and become better? Every Sunday in every meetinghouse throughout the world, we find mortal, imperfect men, women, and children who meet together in brotherhood and charity, striving to become better people, to learn of the Spirit, and to lend encouragement and support to others. I am not aware of any sign on the door of our meetinghouses that reads “Restricted Entrance—Perfect People Only.”

Because of our imperfections, we need the Lord’s Church. It is there that His redemptive doctrines are taught and His saving ordinances are administered. The Church encourages and motivates us to be a better and happier people. It is also a place where we can lose ourselves in the service of others.

April 2008 Concern for the One

I often wonder why some feel they must be critical of others. It gets in their blood, I suppose, and it becomes so natural they often don’t even think about it. They seem to criticize everyone—the way Sister Jones leads the music, the way Brother Smith teaches a lesson or plants his garden.

Even when we think we are doing no harm by our critical remarks, consequences often follow. I am reminded of a boy who handed a donation envelope to his bishop and told him it was for him. The bishop, using this as a teaching moment, explained to the boy that he should mark on the donation slip whether it was for tithing, fast offerings, or for something else. The boy insisted the money was for the bishop himself. When the bishop asked why, the boy replied, “Because my father says you’re one of the poorest bishops we’ve ever had.”

The Church is not a place where perfect people gather to say perfect things, or have perfect thoughts, or have perfect feelings. The Church is a place where imperfect people gather to provide encouragement, support, and service to each other as we press on in our journey to return to our Heavenly Father.

Each one of us will travel a different road during this life. Each progresses at a different rate. Temptations that trouble your brother may not challenge you at all. Strengths that you possess may seem impossible to another.

Never look down on those who are less perfect than you. Don’t be upset because someone can’t sew as well as you, can’t throw as well as you, can’t row or hoe as well as you.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we are here with the same purpose: to learn to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.
Joseph B. Wirthlin, “The Virtue of Kindness,” Ensign, May 2005, 26